don't be humble, it will ruin your life
humility sucks
Don’t be humble.
It will ruin your life and your health.
There is no way in this world that you can be humble and achieve the optimal health and vitality that you SO desire. ((How being humble is keeping you sick.))
HUMBLE: Oxford Languages: having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.
HUMILITY: Oxford Languages: a modest or low view of one’s own importance
This question came to me a few years ago in my private coach reflections and has been very useful in expanding as a health coach and human being:
What kind of expert are you?
I am the kind of expert who was created by first getting utterly confused with the word ‘humility’ or the concept of being ‘humble.’
I thought humility was what a decent human being of society had to do if they were to have a fulfilling life. After all, I thought, if I was not humble I would be so arrogant!
Being humble is not synonymous with being arrogant.
In the definitions of humble above AND in the practice of being humble in our world, being humble means having a low estimate of one’s importance, abilities, and always keeping your head down in the presence or thought of any other human being because, you know, you are not perfect and still have a lot to learn.
God forbid you think highly of yourself, the monster under the bed will come get you during the night and you won’t be able to accomplish anything because you won’t want to learn and improve (blah blah blah).
I don’t like nor resonate with the word humble but I have been called to write about this and work with my health coaching clients on this because this obsession with humility is a major block to optimal health and good life all around and everywhere.
This concept has been exiled from the realm of my body and mind but if I was to create a true definition of what it should be, it would be this:
HELENA’S NEW DEFINITION of HUMBLE:
Having or showing tremendous knowing in one’s own importance, amazing abilities, belonging in this world, therefore, creating a mental health environment conducive to natural and effortless expansion for learning more and becoming more skilled at what one does. (Interestingly, this ALSO creates a MUCH healthier biochemical environment inside your body, which translates with a rock solid health foundation.
In my definition, another human doesn’t even come into play, except for you to naturally accept and encourage other people’s amazing abilities, belonging and importance too.
In my definition, worlds and more worlds open up for you to be YOU and to actually be of help to others.
I spent years creating a life around the lame definition and application of humility.
Needless to say, it did not serve me well.
Then, after years of being a musician (my first career!), a biochemist researcher, hours of coach training and coaching hundreds of people, I realized that humility is a completely confusing, useless, and even damaging term that can ruin many a life.
Being humble is BS.
You grow up thinking that you have to have humility in order to have a good life. This is a myth. Humility is completely misunderstood and ruins many a wonderful person.
You are important.
Yes you are. And you must think you are important if you are to have an amazing fulfilling life with all the glory of success, love and optimal health that you have ever dreamed of.
Lowering your head and keeping things numb and hidden is not helping you, anyone else, nor the world.
If it wasn’t for the stupidity of trying to be humble all the time on purpose, I could’ve come into myself so much faster and been able to contribute to the world much earlier in the grand scheme of my whole life.
When I was growing up, I thought that humility meant to think of oneself in lesser ways and lived my life accordingly.
I still remember getting ready for a social event when I was 15 years old and I asked my Tio Marco - do you think that I shouldn’t think of myself as beautiful? If I think of myself as beautiful am I being too self-absorbed?
And he said with gusto - absolutely not! You must think of yourself as beautiful. Please, don’t be afraid to acknowledge how amazing you are.” That was my first go at discarding this concept from my body and mind for good - but it still took years after that to get rid of it.
I thought humility meant to look at others and see how awesome they are and then look at myself and see how not awesome I was and how long I still had to go.
I thought humility meant looking at myself and pointing out all the things that I didn’t do well, all the things that I didn’t do right, all the things that I was lacking:
“…but look at you, who are you to deserve all the money, all the love, and all the success? Don’t you have humility to know that in order to be successful you have to have humility and think and know that you are not right now deserving of all of that?”
I spent many years being HUMBLE in all the ways you can imagine.
I was a wonderful musician, and yet, I was so freaking humble that I never thought I could make it. As a scientist and biochemist in the lab, I was brilliant! My nickname was ROCKSTAR. And yet, the annoying humbleness held me back tremendously.
Ah the societal humble voices in my head were relentless:
See!?? All those people who became successful were humble and didn’t think they were so important. (NOT!)
You have to be humble, please know that you are not that important
You have to be humble, even if you did something amazing, do not think of yourself as important.
You have to be humble, you have to be hard on yourself when you procrastinate.
You have to be humble, you have to be hard on yourself and judge yourself when something you do doesn’t come out perfect.
You have to be humble, you have to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, always.
You have to be humble, stick to what you know - hey don’t expand into more amazing realms.
You have to be humble, and think that you are no better than anyone else.
You have to be humble, be a doormat to others who don’t know themselves but tell you what to do.
You have to be humble, make sure you WORK on yourself relentlessly over and over again.
You have to be humble, say yes when you actually want to say no.
You have to be humble, be agreeable and nice to other people even when they ruin your mental health and are jerks.
You have to be humble, put up with low standards because hey, you are humble and not that important.
You have to be humble, don’t think you can create the best product in the world, don’t you see what has already been created?
You have to be humble, tell your kids they are just kids and have to work on themselves and then be humble. DON’T LET THEM IN ON THE SECRET THAT THEY ARE ALREADY PERFECT JUST THE WAY THEY ARE. And that they are already brilliant and can create AMAZING WORLDS AND more and more as they live life and have more life experiences. (Actually, Kids know more about life than adults do, the only difference is that they don’t have as much life experience that is it. Nothing more.)
I tell my kids often how deserving and awesome they already are right now. They don’t have to accomplish or achieve anything to claim these. They have already arrived - now, all that is left to do is to experience life, have fun, create. OH, WHAT A ROCK SOLID NERVOUS SYSTEM FOUNDATION THIS IS!
Arrogance IS NOT synonymous with KNOWING you are important, amazing and that you love yourself.
When people say that ‘someone is not humble’ it doesn’t mean that that someone is arrogant. It just means that they are uncomfortable seeing and experiencing how comfortable with themselves that person is and how much they believe in themselves - and they can’t stand it!
Was the concept of ‘humble’ created so we can keep people in the average mode all of their lives?
Was ‘humble’ created so we could create fear in people? Fear of being fully themselves?
People trying to be HUMBLE so they are not arrogant - alas, if you have to work on being humble so you are not being arrogant, then humble is not achieving what that person thinks it is!
If you try to put yourself down internally in order to be humble, instead of actually expanding and learning more, that is when you actually become really arrogant.
If you are amazing and you know it, you won’t have the need to elicit reactions - likes from other people.
Humility in the way it is positioned in society, is a “death while living” TRAP.
Humility is not a term that needs teaching/believing/passing on to kids to grow up with - kids are born with this knowing. We are all born with this knowing.
When you KNOW that you are magic and perfect just as you are and that YOU HAVE ALREADY ARRIVED, YOU feel so good in your own skin.
Then, and only then, you will be able to recognize THE MAGIC in every other person as well and be fully yourself.
I am MAGIC…
…but YOU are too.
I don’t need to make myself LITERALLY feel less important and ‘be humble’ and ruin my EXPANSION in the process to BE A GOOD PERSON.
THE HELL WITH HUMILITY.
Humility is a trap.
Humility is like being in jail and not being able to EXPAND into a FREE FLOWING life the way we were meant to.
Humility creates major mental health problems.
And so, what kind of expert am I?
I am an expert who has tried to be humble on purpose for many years and who forgot who I really was for many years…only to spend another many years re-learning that I am fine just as I am and that is how I can create a truly FREE, EXPANSIVE, and FULFILLING LIFE.
This is what creates the magic in coaching sessions with my clients - because if I know I am awesome, it gives them permission to also recognize their awesomeness.
When you are NOT humble (in the definition sense that we all are used to in society), then you can be the LIGHT that changes people’s lives.
And so, now, when I work with clients, one of the things that we work on, besides all the ‘normal’ health stuff of nutrition, exercise, detoxification etc, is chucking that humility belief so that it can open the space for the person to be who they truly are.
This is THE ONLY WAY to actually and eventually achieve true and lasting optimal health.
In fact, one of the things clients love THE MOST about working with me is that they feel like they can FINALLY take that humble load off and be themselves for the very first time.
“Thousands of years ago, we don't know how far this goes back, but people naturally trusted their minds to tell them what to do.” Alan Watts
“LIGHT your light, and let the things that match you, come to you.” Abraham Hicks