When life fits, energy follows
you can't fill a bucket that leaks
Back in December I wrote about why integrity with yourself matters more than chasing balance.
But integrity is only the beginning. It’s what lets you see when the life itself is leaking — and gives you the strength to rebuild it.
When you love your life, you don’t need work-life balance.
But before we even talk about that, there’s something we have to name first:
You can’t compartmentalize this.
You can’t say, I’m going to work on my health,
and separately say, I’m going to work on my mental health,
and separately say, I’m going to work on my life.
It doesn’t work that way.
It’s all one system.
If the foundation of your life is wrong for you—if you’re living a life you didn’t choose—then no health protocol in the world will save you.
You won’t be able to access real vitality if you’re constantly recovering from the life you’re forcing yourself to live.
And this is the hardest part for most people to face.
Because when you finally look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth, this is what you will see:
I’ve been living a life I did not choose.
I’ve been tolerating a relationship that isn’t for me.
I’ve stayed in a job that is draining me.
I’ve built my days around shoulds and fear, not truth.
And here is something else you need to know:
Society will tell you that facing this means you made mistakes.
But that is not it.
I call it honoring who you really are.
And you could only do that by first experiencing what does not work.
There is no such thing as a mistake.
And the older you are, the harder it is to face this. Because now you’ve invested years.
You’ve signed contracts.
You’ve built an identity around parts of life you no longer want.
But the work always starts here:
With ownership.
With taking responsibility for the fact that you haven’t yet stood fully for your life.
And with being willing to do it now.
Which means you may need to be okay being alone for a while.
You may need to walk through the chaos of letting the old life fall apart.
Like tearing down a crumbling house so you can build something new.
That process is uncomfortable—but there is no more exhilarating, vitalizing chaos than shedding what was never meant for you.
And this is why:
When you love your life, when it actually fits you, the need for “work-life balance” disappears.
It just feels effortless.
You work when it’s time to work. You’re with your family when you’re with your family. You’re living.
There’s no constant undercurrent of resistance, because you’re not spending your energy fighting a life you don’t want.
But when the background hum of your life is I don’t like how I’m living most of my life—
whether that’s your job, your relationships, your daily rhythm—
then it’s like you’re standing in a life bucket full of holes.
No matter how much “balance” you try to create, the energy still leaks out.
And it will make you feel even more crazy, because now you’re trying to fix the wrong thing.
That’s when the mental health spiral begins.
You start scrambling:
Maybe I need to meditate more. Maybe it’s my diet. Maybe I should work out harder. Maybe I just need to relax more.
But here’s the thing: if your foundation is crumbling, relaxing more won’t fix it.
You’ll just be resting on a sinking ship.
Yes—those tools may help you survive.
Meditation might soften the edges.
Diet might lower some inflammation.
Exercise will help in its own way.
But it’s still like trying to bail water out of a boat that’s already full of holes.
But if your life fits you, it works differently.
You choose the life you’re living.
You fill your days with things you want there.
You thrive with the people you’re around.
You do work that feels like an extension of who you are.
Then that’s a whole different game.
And even when it fits, life keeps moving.
No life is perfect.
There will always be one or two things you’re stretching toward, wanting to improve.
That’s healthy. That’s growth.
Now, if you do have a hard day, or a task you don’t like, or physical tiredness from deep work—that kind of recovery is easy.
Your body trusts you. It knows you’re not forcing it to live a life it doesn’t want.
So it can repair. It can rest. You wake up ready again.
But recovering from a life that is out of rhythm with who you are?
That’s a battle your body will lose, over and over again.
And rhythm is the word.
Not someone else’s rhythm.
Not a list of tips you found on social media.
Not the blueprint of some high performer.
You can borrow ideas. You can experiment. But in the end, there’s only one compass that matters: your body.
And your body will tell you.
Not in words, but in signals:
If you feel contraction—tension, heaviness, dread, resentment—that is your body saying no.
If you feel lightness, aliveness, desire to move forward—that is your body saying yes.
And hell yes does not come loud.
It is a clear knowing.
There is no overthinking.
You know — and you move.
Your actions will tell the truth of what you know.
When you follow that—when you build a life that is in rhythm with you—
the whole concept of work-life balance fades away.
There is just your life. And it fits.