Insight hit: Say no. Walk away. Come alive.
What caught my attention:
“Yup, there’s your problem. You’ve mistaken arbitrary norms specific to your social group for sacred immutable truths and it has driven you insane.”
— Jason K. Pargin
What I see:
Right after I published yesterday’s post—about not rearranging your furniture in a house that drains you—I saw this quote and immediately knew: this is an Insight Hit.
Because this is foundational.
Not just philosophically—but biologically.
In my years working with hundreds of clients (and in my own life), the most painful pattern I’ve seen is this:
people blaming themselves for failing inside a life system they didn’t consciously choose—but still performed with full force anyway.
They call themselves lazy.
Undisciplined.
Broken.
Incapable of change.
They think they’re failing at exercise, or nutrition, or habit-building.
But really—what they’re failing at is performing inside a social script that doesn’t fit.
A script they were handed, not one they authored.
Society praises performance.
“Look at that guy down the street—he goes to the gym every day.”
“Look at her—married by 28, house by 30, two kids, perfect vacations.”
We see these lives get clapped for—online, in family gatherings, in media—and our body registers that applause as truth.
And so we start measuring ourselves against that.
We think:
If I’m not like that, I must be failing.
If I’m not doing what “they” do, I must be behind.
If I can’t keep up, maybe I’m just weak.
And so we go home and rearrange our life to look like their version of success.
But… where is your version?
What is your version of success?
What makes you come alive?
If you were to remove all the 'shoulds'—from society, from your family, or the shoulds you placed on yourself—what would you choose as your version of success?
Could it be…
A life with no performance?
A life where you feel truly alive?
A life without 20 goals, but one deeply loved one?
A goal that doesn’t need applause.
A goal that doesn’t require explanation.
Just a path that makes your heart beat in coherence waves.
Do you even want to go to college?
Do you even want to get married?
Do you want kids, a house, that job?
And do you want the Mexico vacation twice a year—just to flee for a moment the life that isn't even yours?
Are you just building a life to look successful in someone else’s eyes?
If that’s the case—of course your health won’t stabilize.
Because you’re not building health.
You’re optimizing dysfunction.
That’s the loop.
That’s the system.
And that’s why you feel stuck.
You’re trying to get well inside a structure that your body knows isn’t right for you.
And until you question the whole frame,
until you stop blaming yourself for not fitting a mold you were never meant to perform in,
your biology will keep pushing back.
This quote isn’t just clever.
It’s clinical.
It’s why your cortisol is up.
It’s why your energy crashes.
It’s why your “best efforts” never stick.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re just running a life system you never truly agreed to—but you made yourself perform anyway, just to win the external applause.
And that’s what needs to be rewritten before real health can begin.
This doesn’t have to be made drastic.
You don’t have to burn your house down overnight.
But you can begin to make one small decision per day that is yours to make—and aligned with what you actually want.
Because each tiny decision, each 1% daily movement toward a life you choose, will build momentum.
It compounds faster than you think.
Maybe you have a group of friends you don’t even enjoy—but you keep going out with them because you always did.
And because deep down, you don’t want to feel like you don’t have friends.
Say no. Period. You don’t need a reason.
Or rather—“Because I don’t want to” is all the reason you’ll ever need.
This piece originally appeared on Substack.
It is available for reprint or syndication.
To request rights or republish, contact helena@bianchivibranthealth.com.